No-Contact Rule: How Long, What to Expect, and What to Do If You Slip

Not therapy; informational support only. If you're in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. If you suspect abuse, use a safe device and check trusted hotlines/resources first.

Start a private chat — free first steps • Talk it out after a slip • Ride out an urge together

Does No-Contact Work? What It Helps (and Doesn't)

What no-contact does:

Reduces constant triggers so your nervous system can calm down.
Breaks the loop of checking/texting for quick dopamine hits.
Gives space to rebuild sleep, appetite, routine, and perspective.

What it doesn't do:

It's not a power move to "make them chase."
It isn't a guarantee they'll come back or you'll feel nothing.
It won't fix safety issues (if abuse is involved, safety planning comes first).

Use the bot for support:

When the urge spikes, open the chat and say exactly how you feel. You can vent, cry, ramble — the bot will respond with grounding prompts and gentle next steps so you don't reach out to your ex.

How Long Should No-Contact Be? Timeline & Milestones

Use these ranges as gentle guardrails — not rigid rules.

Days 0–3: Acute shock

Expect surges: crying, nausea, spirals, poor sleep.
Micro-plan: hydrate + eat something small → 60-second reset (below) → text a safe friend about your plan, not your ex.
Environment: mute/block socials; move photos; remove quick paths to contact.

Days 4–7: Stabilize basics

Aim for two anchors a day: a short walk + a consistent meal time.
"Phone rules": DND at night; socials off the home screen.
Check in with the bot each evening for 2–3 minutes about how the day went.

Days 8–14: Urges peak, then dip

Use the urge-surfing script (2 minutes) with the bot — type "urge" and follow the steps.
Swap the "check ex" cue for "open chat and debrief."

Days 15–30: Rebuild rhythm

Add one joyless-at-first activity (class, club, gym). Mood often follows action.
Each week, list your top triggers in chat; the bot can help you plan tiny counters.

30–45 days: Review

Look at sleep, appetite, intrusive thoughts. If steadier, decide whether to continue LC (limited contact) for logistics or keep NC longer.

Signs it's working

Longer stretches without thinking about them.
Fewer checking urges; you can delay them.
Sleep and appetite become more predictable.

If You Broke No-Contact: A 6-Step Reset Plan

Slips happen. You didn't "ruin everything."

1) Stop the spiral (60 seconds)

Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 8 (×5) → 5-4-3-2-1 grounding.

2) Name what happened (1 minute)

Time, place, trigger (emotion, alcohol, loneliness, memory).

3) Repair the environment (3 minutes)

Re-mute/block; archive threads; remove quick paths.

4) Talk it out, right now

Open the bot and type: "I slipped. Here's what happened…"
You'll get steady, non-judgmental prompts to help you debrief and settle.

5) Micro-commitment

"For the next 24 hours, I won't contact or check." Renew daily.

6) Post-slip self-talk

"Slips are data, not destiny."
"Urges rise and fall. My job is to ride this one."

Exceptions & Safety: Co-Parenting, Work, Abuse

Co-parenting / shared logistics → Limited Contact (LC)

Channels: email, co-parenting app, shared calendar.
Cadence: pre-set windows (e.g., Tue/Thu 5–6 pm).
Content: kids/logistics only; no relationship talk.
Template:

"For [child's name], please confirm pickup Friday 5 pm at [location]. I'll bring the backpack and medication."

Work or shared projects

Keep it in writing and work-only; redirect personal topics:

"Let's keep this on the project. I'm not available for personal conversations."

Abuse or safety risk

NC can escalate risk. Prioritize safety planning and hotlines before any "rules."
Use a safe device and private browsing.
If you're safe to do so, use the bot to practice scripts for asking help — but hotlines and local services come first.
See: Abuse Signs & Safe Exit Plan

A Simple Daily Plan (Use It in Chat)

Today's Mini-Plan

✅ Hydrate + one real meal.
✅ 10–20 min movement.
✅ One 60-sec reset when the pull hits.
✅ Text 1–2 safe people (support, not ex).
✅ Evening wind-down (screen off 60 min before bed).

Type any of these in chat to get support:

"I'm spiraling. Help me slow down."
"Talk me through a 2-minute urge-surf."
"Help me make a plan for tonight."
"I want to text them. Please distract me."
"I feel so lonely. Can I vent?"

What the Bot Can Do for You (Right Now)

Let you vent, without judgment. Put the feelings somewhere safe.
Reflect and steady you with simple grounding prompts.
Help ride out urges (late-night spikes, weekend dips) so you don't text your ex.
Keep you company for a few minutes when the quiet gets loud.
Offer tiny next steps when your brain is stuck.

No downloads. No PDFs. Just a private space to talk and feel less alone.

60-Second Reset (Use With the Bot)

Breathe 4-4-8 ×5.
Ground 5-4-3-2-1 senses.
Label: "This is an urge; it will pass."
Choose one tiny step (water, walk, text a safe friend, open the chat).

Accessibility & Safety Notes

This page is not a substitute for therapy or emergency services.
If there's any risk of harm, prioritize in-person and hotline support.
Use private browsing and a safe device if someone might monitor you.

Ready to talk?
👉