Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex?
Here's How to Stop the Urge to Text
Why Your Brain Loops (Attachment, Grief, and Dopamine)
- Intrusive thoughts are normal after a breakup. Your brain is trying to solve loss by replaying memories and "what-ifs."
- Attachment stress can feel like withdrawal. That "text them now" spike is your nervous system seeking relief.
- Quick checks = quick dopamine. Every stalk, scroll, or text delivers a small hit that trains the loop to repeat.
How the bot helps: when the urge hits, open the chat and say exactly what's going on. You can vent, cry, ramble. The bot answers with calm prompts and tiny next steps so you ride the wave without reaching out to your ex.
No-Contact Explained — When and How to Use It
- Purpose: protect your nervous system while you stabilize sleep, appetite, and routine.
- It's not a tactic to make them chase you. It's a boundary for your healing.
- Limited Contact (LC): if you must coordinate kids/work, keep it brief, scheduled, and logistics-only.
- Safety first: if there's any abuse risk, prioritize safety planning and hotlines before NC. See: Abuse Signs & Safe Exit Plan.
Use the bot: type "help me set no-contact" and it will walk you through language, boundaries, and a simple daily plan you can actually stick to.
More on NC: No-Contact Rule — Timeline & Reset Plan
Urge-Surfing Script: A 2-Minute Reset to Ride Out the Wave
When you want to text, do this first — ideally with the bot open:
- Name it (10s): "This is an urge. It will rise and fall."
- Breathe (40s): Inhale 4 • hold 4 • exhale 8 — repeat ×5.
- Ground (40s): 5 things you see • 4 touch • 3 hear • 2 smell • 1 taste.
- Choose a tiny step (30s): water, short walk, message a safe friend, or keep venting in chat.
If the wave is still strong, repeat steps 2–4 once.
Relapse Plan: If You Texted Your Ex, Do This Next
Slips happen. You didn't ruin anything.
- Pause the spiral (60s) — breath + grounding.
- Tell the truth in chat: "I texted them. Here's what happened…"
The bot will help you debrief without self-shame. - Repair the environment: re-block, archive thread, remove shortcuts.
- Micro-commitment: "For 24 hours I won't contact or check."
- Replace the loop: whenever you'd stalk/check, open chat and vent instead.
Routines for Night / Morning / Work (Tiny, Doable)
At night (when urges spike):
- Put the phone on DND, out of arm's reach.
- Type "night check-in" in chat and vent for 2 minutes.
- Queue a low-effort activity (shower, podcast, stretch).
In the morning:
- 10 deep breaths before unlocking the phone.
- One anchor task (make bed, light walk).
- "morning plan" in chat: tell the bot your one priority.
At work:
- No socials on your work browser.
- If a thought hits, type "urge at work" and dump it into chat.
- End-of-day: 60-second reset before leaving.
Practice With the Bot (Role-Play Prompts)
Paste any of these to get help right now:
I'm spiraling. Talk me down.
I want to text them. Help me wait 10 minutes.
Do urge-surfing with me.
I keep checking Instagram. Make a 3-step plan to stop.
I feel lonely. Can I vent for a minute?
We co-parent. Help me write a neutral message.
Accessibility & Safety Notes
- Not therapy; not a crisis line. If you're unsafe, use local hotlines/services first.
- Use private browsing and a safe device if someone might monitor you.
You don't have to white-knuckle this alone.